Say it Loud, "I'm a Black Woman and I'm Proud"

Imagine a woman with a tight red dress on- Dolce and Cabana shoes, fake boobs and really, really big black hair. She has tons of make-up on- the kind that looks caked on and a plain mess. This woman is wearing too much blush, bright red lipstick, fake eyelashes, green contacts, Botox and the make-up on her face doesn’t match the color of her neck (you’ve seen this type of woman). This woman really believes she has it going on. I got one word for her- “Uhhhhh!” (well maybe that’s one sound). This is the way a prideful woman’s spirit looks like. No one really knows what this woman looks like because all the make-up, fake boobs, fake eyelashes and Botox cover up the real her. All one sees is her ugly outward appearance and no one wants to get to know her because her external appearance is so repulsive. Being secure with yourself is great, but I’m not talking about real inner-security; I’m talking about being prideful, feeling superior and making excuses for your errors and/or shortcomings because you lack humility. Pride is ugly, distasteful and it drives men, women, family and friends away.
Let’s take a closer look…
A number of black men have told me that they have met and/or dated too many black women with “bad attitudes”. Some black men have just totally written black women off, saying we have bad attitudes, we’re difficult and it’s a struggle to be with us. Some black men have said black women have tried to control them, what they do and when they do it. Some black men have even said that we’re not submissive and don’t know when to let a conversation/argument go. Can you believe these allegations about us black women? Are we really this way? Well, my answer is yes and no. These complaints are valid; however I believe all women (Black, White, Asian, and Latino) can have a “bad attitude” from time to time. I was talking to one of my black male friends who told me he hadn’t dated a black woman in 7 years, 7 years! I asked him a simple question, “Why?” He begin to tell me that the black women he has met have had bad attitudes and being in a relationship with a black woman is too difficult so instead he dates white and Latina women because he says they’re more easy going, submissive and he doesn’t experience the difficulties being with them like he does when he’s with a black woman. Now being the pro-black woman’s advocate that I am, I told him he has to give black women another chance. All black women don’t have bad attitudes, lack submission and not all of us are difficult. I began to tell him what I believe he is seeing in a lot of black women; and that is the issue of pride.
Many of us black women walk around looking like that description of that over-processed, caked-up woman; an ugly prideful mess. So what is pride and why do so many black women possess it with a badge of honor? Pride is defined by Webster as a “sense of personal superiority”. Pride is the belief that one is superior or better than someone therefore one does not have to compromise, give or be kind or considerate of all considered, “lesser than.” Being prideful is an ugly trait and it is nothing we should be proud of. Now, I do not agree 100% with my friend or other black men who say we have these issues; however I do see what many black men are talking about. Yes, we sista’s are guilty of having bad attitudes, not letting an argument go, being difficult and not knowing when to submit to our man. Yes, it is true, I have had the “bad attitude”, inability to let the argument/discussion go, unwilling to listen to sound advice just because it’s coming from my man and “he’s not going to tell me what to do, because he ain’t my daddy and he aint going control me!” Now I know the ladies I’m talking to have never been guilty of such antics- just me (LOL). Really, why are we black women so prideful? What do we gain by not admitting when were wrong? What do we gain by telling our men “Don’t tell me what to do!” Why do we find it difficult to be submissive and let a man be a man, even if that means letting him make a mistake? Why don’t some of us know how to bite our tongue? Why do we challenge a man’s ego and test his patience? Are we difficult to be with? And finally, why are so many black men completely turned off by black women?
Now everything in balance because black men have their own faults, but just because we don’t like to hear the negative things about ourselves, we can’t just dismiss these complaints as words coming from another “weak brother”. Let’s examine these complaints and if there is validity (which I think there is) lets address these issues; first the issue of the “bad attitude”. I believe black men are referring to the black woman who becomes upset/angry when things don’t go her way, rude remarks/reactions, “smart-mouthing”, sassy and just plain over the top angry, drama-queen. Or a brother approaches you and tries to “holla” and instead of saying “no thank you” you give the rude comment and give off the, “I’m too good for you vibe.” Yes, I have seen this in myself and in my sistas as well. Second complaint, we’re not submissive and we don’t listen. If our man tries to tell us how to do something or not to do something or what we could improve on we become prideful and tell them, “I don’t need your help, stop talking to me.” Yes, many of us black women definitely lack humility.
Third complaint, we don’t know when to let the argument go and let it be. You know what I’m talking about, the sista that just can’t let it go and keeps bringing the situation up, but not for resolution purposes; she just can’t shut up or forgive-yes I’ve seen this too. Fourth complaint, we can’t admit when we’re wrong because we don’t want to appear like a fool. We want to pretend like we we’ve done nothing wrong or don’t see any error in our words or actions, but in reality we are wrong, but our pride won’t permit us to say, “I apologize, I was wrong.” Pride is just like an ugly woman and pride ultimately is a lie. Pride hides our faults, our mistakes and our shortcomings, but it also hides the real us. Pride says, “I’m not apologizing.” Pride says, “Ya, I was wrong too, but I’m not going to apologize first.” Pride is damaging to all relationships and in order to become better human beings and better women we have to let go of the pride and put on the face of humility. The Bible says, “By pride comes nothing but strife”- confrontations, arguments, disputes and conflicts. The Bible also says, “Pride goes before destruction.” God can’t reach us when we don’t submit. We should never take on the attitude that, “My roses don’t stick”- because they do. Being humble allows us to be open and allow us to review ourselves. When we are prideful we lack the ability to actually look inside ourselves and make any real positive changes. Pride always points the finger, not realizing 3 fingers are pointing back at us. We must really examine our pride and ask the question, “What is my pride covering up?” For me, pride is the way I cover up my sensitivity, insecurity and shortcomings. I still struggle with the false belief that being aggressive, mean or uncompromising constitutes for strength. Being uncompromising, lacking submission and being rough and tough is not strength, it is weakness in disguise. We cannot believe that responding in a rude way, having a bad attitude, being uncompromising, aggressive and/or prideful means we’re strong neither does it mean people won’t be able to take advantage of us or that we won’t get hurt.
Many of us women are really sensitive and soft inside (and that’s not a bad thing) and there is a little girl in each of us. A lot of times that sensitive little girl got hurt or betrayed in childhood and now in order to supposedly, “prevent” being hurt or taken advantage of we respond to people and our men in a rude way, become difficult and unkind all to prove that were “strong” and were not “pushovers”. Let’s put down the walls, the attitudes and the guards and the “strong black women” façade and be who we really are- considerate, loving and kind. Many of us may be covering up our vulnerability by being rough and tough- let’s stop it! It takes strength and inner-security to submit, to compromise, to listen and acknowledge our flaws and to be kind. It takes strength and inner- security to admit that you are wrong and that you are a work in progress. So ask yourself, what is your pride covering up?
Next time our man tells us something, instead of coping an attitude maybe we should say,”Ok” and give his suggestion a try. Next time we’re wrong instead of thinking, “Well, he was wrong too”- let’s apologize first. Humility is all about being open to praise and criticism. At first when I heard these allegations from black men, I was appalled and said, “No we black women are not like that!” (Pride). But upon further review of the play their complaints, unfortunately held some validity. Let’s review ourselves and asks ourselves could this prideful woman be me?

Say it loud, “I’m a black woman and I’m humble”.

Peace, Miss Deliverance