DEAR BLACK MAN

A sista on You tube spoke about an apology letter she wrote to Black men. She apologizes for not being supportive to the Black man, for “downing” Him, for belittling Him and allowing herself to think that she didn’t really need Him. She mentions the “Willie Lynch” letter and how the letter truly exemplifies the Black woman. Willie Lynch talks about putting the Black woman in front of the Black man, consequently the Black woman no longer depends on the Black man; she therefore becomes “Independent”. Lynch calls this “reversing the roles”. The sista states this is what has happened to us, we have bought into this Willie Lynch mentality and we feel we do not need our men. She states that some Black women who get degrees, feel that they are a couple degrees above Black men. At first I wanted to refute and argue her down and scream “No, we are not like that!” but something humbled me and after watching the you tube video I realized she was right. She states we (Black women) need to work on our accountability, instead of blaming the Black man for what he did wrong, let’s examine ourselves and hold ourselves responsible for being with a man that wasn’t up to par. She states we also need to work on humility, and this is true. Many Black women, including myself have a lot of ego. T.C. Carrier in his book, The Secret Science of Black Male and Female Sex states that the reason for our massive egos is due to the fact that we have had to be independent and we had no one in slavery to rely on other than ourselves. Couple that with the fact that there has been many outside forces that have lead to the destruction of the Black man and consequently the Black family (prison industrial complex, “war on drugs”, education system in which Black boys “check out” by the 5th grade, welfare systems, slavery, etc.). Today we are proud to be an “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T” woman; but in fact we are many times only independent of our men and dependent on everything else (our job, our car, our degrees, etc.). Slavery really did a number on us as a people and it’s hard to admit that but there are so many parts of African American culture that is deeply rooted in slavery. The mentality of, “I don’t need a man” is directly a result of what happened to the Black woman and the Black family in slavery.” I do need a man” and I need men in my life. To think they we can do this thing called life without real men in our lives is insanity, we need you Black men. At the same time I want to emphasize the word, “men”; not boys who are chronologically old as hell but do not share in raising their children, who have sex with women for their ego’s sake and/or “men” who look for women to take care of them or look for a woman to “take the lead” nor “men” who do not have a solid relationship with the Creator. Real Black men do exist and real Black women do exist. To be fair we women cannot continually involve ourselves with “men” who treat us with no worth; if we are constantly attracting these “men” then we must examine ourselves and stop blaming Black men because they are not the problem, we are! I too suffer from the “Strong Black woman Syndrome” sometimes, but I’m working on undoing what Willie Lynch did to me and I hope you are doing the same. Yes I need to be more humble and yes I need to continue to be accountable for my actions because I choose that Black man and yes I need to relinquish my ego and embrace more of my higher self and more of my God… don’t we all. Black men I am sorry too, and with that said I have to first apologize to myself for not being the best me, therefore I could not bring to you my highest, most worthy self. Peace.

With humility, Miss D.

"Who She Looking At?"

About three months ago I met up with my mother at her job. We were going to go to lunch but before that she wanted me to come inside and meet some of her co-workers. That day I had on my Lisa Raye (all white) outfit, some white pants and a white tank top and some white sandals and some basketball wives earrings (big and long)- I was looking fly! My mother takes me to the break room and she introduces me to some of her female co-workers. The first woman looks me up and down and gave me the complete "stank eye". "Nice to meet you" she says.

"Nice to me you too." I ignore her stank look and my mother introduces me to another woman, "Hello nice to meet you" she looks me up and down. I ignore her stank eyes and me and my mother go to lunch. I was shocked that these women (and many other women) were so stank and rude. They didn't even know me but gave me a look like I had slept with their husbands. Instead of saying, "Oh you look so nice today" they gave me the evil eye.

Women we have to be real with ourselves and understand there are always going to be beautiful women around. We cannot let our insecurity cause us to be rude and stank to each other. It takes security within to say, "Girl you are rocking that outfit". Too many times we are in competition with each other and we feel threatened when a woman comes in with a beautiful face, outfit or hair style. We have to understand we are NOT in competition with each other and it takes nothing away from us to give another woman a compliment.

Women, this has to stop! We have to stop looking other woman up and down. Let's stop giving each other the stank eye. If another woman is looking fly, if she has some bomb shoes on or a cute hair style, tell her instead of looking her up and down. It's not hard to give another woman a compliment and who knows, your compliment could make her day. It's easier to give a woman a compliment than to give her the stank eye. Please let's stop the petty, mean, up and down, hating, evil/stank eye looks to other women, why? Because we are better than that!

"The Arabic word al-‘ayn (translated as the evil eye) refers to when a person harms another with his eye. It starts when the person likes a thing, then his evil feelings affect it, by means of his repeated looking at the object of his
jealousy..." Salaamu Alyckum


LOL!!

With Love, Miss D.

No Victims

God created no victims, not I, nor you... So what are you going to do?

She believes she is a victim, powerless, helpless, no control over her body, mind, thoughts or actions. And now everybody owes her something!

But God created no victims, not I, nor you, so what is she going to do?
Maybe you were raped, what are you going to do?
Maybe your mother was addicted to drugs and men, what are you going to do?
Maybe your father was a dead beat dad, what are you going to do?
Maybe you were physically abused, what are you going to do?

He is the victim, powerless, blaming everyone for his actions, she, them or they are the reason he loses his temper and beats his wife's ass.
He justifies his violent actions, believing He is this way because His father beat his mother's ass and his grandfather did the same thing to his grandmother.
He plays the victim, poor guy.

But God created no victims, not I, nor you, so what are you going to do?
Are you going to blame, deny that you still feel pain and say you are healed from your past, when you really are not?
Are you going to continue to blame other's, your parents, your environment for your weaknesses you choose not to work on?
When will you say, "Yes, this, this molestation, this divorce, this abuse, this thing happened to me, but I am not powerless!" I can choose to be better. Not because of I, but because of the God in I.

I hope one day all of those people who believe they are victims, all those people who feel sorry for themselves realize the lesson is not about being powerless, the lesson is not about blame.
The lesson of rape, molestation, divorce, abuse, neglect and heartbreak is not about staying angry, unforgiving or blaming. Nor is your lesson about saying, "poor me".
The lesson, my lesson, your lesson is about forgiving, giving, healing and empowering those that come behind you, accepting your past and realizing God created your life with purpose and NOTHING in your life has been a mistake.
Realizing all the love that you have been searching for, all the love that was taken from you is found in God...

God created no victims, not I, nor you, so what are we going to do?

Peace and Love, Miss Deliverance

Let no man seperate

When I would look back at my life I always had regret. Why did I have to grow up without my father? Why did we have to grow up poor? Why me? Why did I have to come from such a dysfunctional family history? Why? Why? Why? I always felt as if my life was robbed of something. I felt I missed out on having a daddy. I missed out on being "daddy's little girl". I missed out on gymnastics because my mother couldn't afford it. Poor, poor me. It was hard, very hard for me to accept my life because in my eyes my life should have been different, better.
On the contrary life has shown me that ALL experiences are for our good. All experiences are for our good if we learn the lessons. I have learned so many invaluable lessons from my own "regretful" life. I have learned how to treat people, what kind of man I want (and don't want) and what to repeat and what not to repeat. If all of my experiences are for my good and I believe they are then my life is not a tragedy, but a blessing. Indeed I did not miss out on anything. If anything I have gained. I gained wisdom, depth, forgiveness, hope, love, empathy, kindness and so much more. I have learned that God has placed a uniqueness in me; qualities in me that no experience could ever take away. God has given me intelligence, wisdom and a desire to be a better person and my absent father could not take that away from me because God joined those qualities in me. God has given me empathy, depth and intuition and my poverty could not take that away from me. What God has given you- be it wisdom, understanding, or something else, let no experience or person take that away from you, ever.


"What therefore God has joined together,let no man separate." Mark 10:9


Love, Miss D.

Follow Your Soul...

When I heard this song it immediately resonated with me. "If I follow my soul, I will find my way..." When I listen to my soul it tells me things, things I am hesitant to do. My soul is telling me to let some things and people go. My soul is telling me that maybe my own career path is not the career path the Creator has for me. Yet when I think about God, the infinite intelligence it took to create my soul I realize that I must surrender to what my heart,mind and soul say. God's path is greater than my career path. God's choice is greater than my choice. Maybe your soul, your consciousness is telling or leading you somewhere. Somewhere your hesitant to go, but somehow you know it's the right way although you can't see all the pieces right now. Yet and still, follow your soul, your higher consciousness, the voice- not of reason, but of God. Follow your soul.

Following..., Miss D.