Have you ever went to the Jack n’ the Box drive thru and said, “Ummmmm, can I get ummmm… (mind goes blank)? You know that you’re hungry but you don’t know exactly what you want to eat. You repeat yourself, “Ummmmm, can I get a number… (mind goes blank again). Finally you tell the person taking your order, “Just a minute please.” The person on the other end says, “Order when you’re ready.” We have all done this and this is fine when you’re ordering your lunch but many of us women treat dating like a fast food drive thru. Let me explain…
Many of us women know we want to date/marry a “good” man so we jump into the dating world- symbolic for the drive thru window. When we get up to the “dating” window we realize we don’t know what we want or need from a man. We realize we have no standard or clear criteria for what we are looking for in a man/marriage partner. Maybe we should tell the person taking our order, “Just a minute please” but instead we date man after man and keep saying, “No, he’s not the one.” “No I don’t like that.” Or “No, I don’t want that.” Meanwhile we don’t know what we want and time waits for no man. Maybe we should drive away from the drive-thru window and “order when we’re ready”. Maybe we should re-enter the dating game when we know what we need and what we want instead of wasting our time and other people’s time as well; and besides there are 3 people behind you ready to order. Hurry up!
We have to know what we what and not what we don’t want.
It is best to take a step back from the dating game and first know what you are looking for in a man. Know what you need. In order to know your needs you must first know yourself! If you are an intelligent women you probably need a man to stimulate your mind so if you go out with Joe Blow and he doesn’t have any conversation- he’s not the one (even if he’s fine)! If you’re a sensitive woman you probably need a man who thinks before he speaks and carefully considers your feelings. With that said you may not mesh well with a man who is completely blunt and “tells it like it is”- he’s not the one!
We must know ourselves so we can know what we need/desire in a man. Personally I’m an aggressive yet sensitive type of woman so I need a man who can stand up to me, yet hears me out as well. So with that said I cannot date a man who is neither overly aggressive, nor passive. We have to know our needs and be honest with ourselves. When we know our needs we know who we are and then we can accurately choose the type of man we need to be with. We must be honest with ourselves and aware of what we truly need mentally, emotionally and spiritually from a man.
Next time you’re hungry and you find yourself in the drive-thru have your order ready- know what kind of man you want. Know what you want and how much it’s going to cost. Don’t waste your time or his time saying, “Ummmmm” when asked, “What are you looking for?” Know what you need, know what you want before you return to the dating game. So the next time the universe asks you, “May I take your order?” Instead of saying, “Ummmm, can I get…” Say, “Yes, I will need a man who is intelligent with a great sense of humor so he can feed my mind, a man that is ambitious and family-orientated because I need to respect my man, a man that is moral and spiritual because I need him to feed my spirit. I need a man who is caring, thoughtful and kind with a cherry on top please!” Maybe we should pause for a minute and, “Order when we’re ready.”
Peace, Miss Deliverance
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Fallin In Love... With Self
I remember the first time I fell in love. It was a beautiful summer day. The weather was perfect, not a cloud in the sky. I had always wanted to fall in love, but I was afraid. I was afraid of making a mistake, afraid of being so open and accepting. One day after years and years of self- doubt, fear and uncertainty I decided I would allow myself to love. Today I am happy to say that I am falling in love with myself!
I was watching one of Alexyss K. Tylor’s YouTube clips and she made a comment about how we women say we want a good man to love us but in actuality we don’t. She stated that many of us actually struggle with “self-hate” and “low self-esteem”. When she said these things they resonated in my heart and in my soul. Indeed this statement is true. We do struggle with loving ourselves collectively as women. Many of us pretend like we have the, “highest respect for ourselves” but either consciously or subconsciously we battle with self-doubt, insecurity, distrusting men and girlfriends (which is another form of insecurity because it takes trusting in yourself first to trust others) lack of self-belief, low self-esteem and/or arrogance (which is low self-esteem masked). We battle with negative thoughts about ourselves, our bodies and our overall value. These things I have mentioned I have found in myself and these unloving traits are the reasons why we women find ourselves in so many troubling/dissatisfying relationships with men and with our girlfriends. Our struggle with self-love is evident especially in dating. We subject ourselves to “booty calls”, “friends with benefits”, “one day he will come around and marry me” even though it’s been 7 years. Our lack of self-love is evident through statements like, “He said he was just really mad so that’s why he hit me.” The, “Girl, well yes he called me out of my name one time, but I shouldn’t have done what I did.” The cheating, the lies we let him get away with because, “I love him and he completes me” but if the shoe was on the other foot he would drop you so quick and do you really love yourself? The sex we give away to men with no strings attached no commitment, no love, no like in some cases. We don’t care if he’s married, single, got a girlfriend, 3 kids, 3 baby mommas, no character yet and still we give our bodies and our minds away to this wrong man time and time again. Why?
The things we do collectively as women are evident that we really don’t value ourselves or fully love ourselves or each other. I have been many of the examples I speak of and still struggle in realizing my own value. I have dated men who were not up to par mentally, emotionally or spiritually and I rationalized their actions and/or inactions because I did not value who I was. I rationalized a man’s actions or inactions because subconsciously I did not feel that I deserved to be treated with the highest respect because I lacked respect and value for my own self. Until we value ourselves, our minds and our bodies and know that we are the Image of God the same disrespectful man will show up time and time again. Until we deal with our own issues of low self-esteem, lack of self-love and lack of self-value nothing will change. Until we deal with our own internal world absolutely nothing will change about our external world in relation to men and dating. It’s been a long time coming, and it’s time we start valuing ourselves, loving ourselves and start celebrating who we are.
First, we have to go back to the Source from which we come and ask the Source who we truly are? I am speaking of God. Who does God say I am and where does my value as a woman and as a human being come from? The answer of course is God. The Bible says, “So God created man in His Image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them…” Because we are the image of God there is no room to doubt ourselves, disrespect ourselves, talk or think negatively about ourselves, our bodies, our minds or our emotions. Because we are the Image of God and God is Love we must reflect love for Self.
Second we women must learn to speak to ourselves. However you want to do this- talk aloud, talk internally, talk into a voice recorder, but speak to yourself daily! Look in the mirror everyday and say, “I am beautiful inside and out” Say, “I am Divine and I deserve the best” “I Love who I am and I love all of me.” Tell yourself, “I love my hair, I love my body, I love my nose, I love my hips, and I am in love with myself.” Treat yourself as if you were a man and you were in love with yourself. Hug yourself, pamper yourself; tell yourself loving/kind compliments several times a day. When you speak positive words to yourself, you are healing and loving yourself!
Lastly I suggest creating a list of 100 strengths/likes. Make a list of 100 strengths or things you like about yourself. Now at first you might find this a difficult task, but don’t give up. When you get to 100 strengths read them aloud to yourself at least once a week (and eventually add more than 100). This will allow you to know and stay aware of your value and what you posses. Let’s love ourselves. Let’s value and respect ourselves as women in dating and in relationships and as God’s creations. We are Divine and it is time. Time to fall in love with yourself.
With Love, Miss Deliverance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZJWvdgDvCQ- Youtube Clip- Alexyss Tylor (She is Crazy, but listen...give her at least 10 minutes- she speak the truth!)
I was watching one of Alexyss K. Tylor’s YouTube clips and she made a comment about how we women say we want a good man to love us but in actuality we don’t. She stated that many of us actually struggle with “self-hate” and “low self-esteem”. When she said these things they resonated in my heart and in my soul. Indeed this statement is true. We do struggle with loving ourselves collectively as women. Many of us pretend like we have the, “highest respect for ourselves” but either consciously or subconsciously we battle with self-doubt, insecurity, distrusting men and girlfriends (which is another form of insecurity because it takes trusting in yourself first to trust others) lack of self-belief, low self-esteem and/or arrogance (which is low self-esteem masked). We battle with negative thoughts about ourselves, our bodies and our overall value. These things I have mentioned I have found in myself and these unloving traits are the reasons why we women find ourselves in so many troubling/dissatisfying relationships with men and with our girlfriends. Our struggle with self-love is evident especially in dating. We subject ourselves to “booty calls”, “friends with benefits”, “one day he will come around and marry me” even though it’s been 7 years. Our lack of self-love is evident through statements like, “He said he was just really mad so that’s why he hit me.” The, “Girl, well yes he called me out of my name one time, but I shouldn’t have done what I did.” The cheating, the lies we let him get away with because, “I love him and he completes me” but if the shoe was on the other foot he would drop you so quick and do you really love yourself? The sex we give away to men with no strings attached no commitment, no love, no like in some cases. We don’t care if he’s married, single, got a girlfriend, 3 kids, 3 baby mommas, no character yet and still we give our bodies and our minds away to this wrong man time and time again. Why?
The things we do collectively as women are evident that we really don’t value ourselves or fully love ourselves or each other. I have been many of the examples I speak of and still struggle in realizing my own value. I have dated men who were not up to par mentally, emotionally or spiritually and I rationalized their actions and/or inactions because I did not value who I was. I rationalized a man’s actions or inactions because subconsciously I did not feel that I deserved to be treated with the highest respect because I lacked respect and value for my own self. Until we value ourselves, our minds and our bodies and know that we are the Image of God the same disrespectful man will show up time and time again. Until we deal with our own issues of low self-esteem, lack of self-love and lack of self-value nothing will change. Until we deal with our own internal world absolutely nothing will change about our external world in relation to men and dating. It’s been a long time coming, and it’s time we start valuing ourselves, loving ourselves and start celebrating who we are.
First, we have to go back to the Source from which we come and ask the Source who we truly are? I am speaking of God. Who does God say I am and where does my value as a woman and as a human being come from? The answer of course is God. The Bible says, “So God created man in His Image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them…” Because we are the image of God there is no room to doubt ourselves, disrespect ourselves, talk or think negatively about ourselves, our bodies, our minds or our emotions. Because we are the Image of God and God is Love we must reflect love for Self.
Second we women must learn to speak to ourselves. However you want to do this- talk aloud, talk internally, talk into a voice recorder, but speak to yourself daily! Look in the mirror everyday and say, “I am beautiful inside and out” Say, “I am Divine and I deserve the best” “I Love who I am and I love all of me.” Tell yourself, “I love my hair, I love my body, I love my nose, I love my hips, and I am in love with myself.” Treat yourself as if you were a man and you were in love with yourself. Hug yourself, pamper yourself; tell yourself loving/kind compliments several times a day. When you speak positive words to yourself, you are healing and loving yourself!
Lastly I suggest creating a list of 100 strengths/likes. Make a list of 100 strengths or things you like about yourself. Now at first you might find this a difficult task, but don’t give up. When you get to 100 strengths read them aloud to yourself at least once a week (and eventually add more than 100). This will allow you to know and stay aware of your value and what you posses. Let’s love ourselves. Let’s value and respect ourselves as women in dating and in relationships and as God’s creations. We are Divine and it is time. Time to fall in love with yourself.
With Love, Miss Deliverance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZJWvdgDvCQ- Youtube Clip- Alexyss Tylor (She is Crazy, but listen...give her at least 10 minutes- she speak the truth!)
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